Zawahri Safari

Ayman al-Zawahri was "tagged" as the new leader of Al Qaeda.  By whom?  Was there a convention?  If yes, why didn't the USA drop a few megatons on it?  Was there an online ballot?  If so can Carnivore or Raptor or Rex tracked down everyone who voted?

Does the former Al Qaeda #2 have sinister plans for the good ol US of A.  Does #2 usually stand for stinky diaper stuffing?  States : guard your borders.  Cities : lock down those bridges.  If our hell-bent-Islamic-brethren are serious about getting to us, they will pre-empt Idol and SYTHYCD this summer.  They will corner the beer and pretzel market.  Watchout Costco and Walmart shoppers, you are a target.

Note to Ayman: Lay low, there is a huge freaking target on your forehead, not unlike Mr. Manson. 

Naughty Pool?

Maybe it's time to start a Naughty Pool.  Very simple.  We toss a bunch of public-figure names in a hat.  The person who tosses in the name of the first one who gets caught being naughty wins the pool.  Who's in?  You don't have to guess what they get caught doing, just a name.

Here are some likely candidates:

Linda McMahon
Johnny Depp
Glenn Beck
Michael Duke
Li Ka-shing

You are of course welcome to imagine what kinds of funny trouble these folks might get caught doing.

Enjoy!

A Match Made in, uh, New Haven?

Palin and Trump? The woman who knows nothing with the guy who knows everything?  Exactly who we need with a finger on the trigger and a hand in the till.  If you think Obama has wasted billions, vote for this pair and wave goodbye to trillions.  If you think foreign relations are messed up now, wait until this pair tries to buy Canada from from the Dr. Pepper/Seven Up company.

The only thing to really squabble about at this point is who gets to use Air Force One on the weekends.

Not Bad Math - Only Bad Spin

Rev. Camping needs a new Spin Doctor.  Why admit to bad math when you can spin it totally differently?  Instead of saying the calculations were wrong why not say the end really has begun and may take months if not years to manifest itself?

It would have been far less embarrassing for both management and labor if folks had pointed out that a good apocalypse takes time to muster.  The special effects alone are budget busters.  And in this time of economic distress, who can afford an entire global meltdown?  Exactly.

But now that the new October date is out there in the universe, we have more time to get our houses in order and plan a much bigger party.  My house, BYOB, I'll grill everything Costco can stuff into my truck.

Who's in?

My last post before "the end".

Hopefully you get a chance to read this before the world ends.  I have some opinions about the end and what that might mean to us.

In the end, nothing really matters.  When we find ourselves on the other side of the end I doubt it will not matter what car we drove or the zip code of our home(s).  It will not matter how much money we gave to which charities.

If anything does matter it will be the relationships we've built with others who will also be on the other side of the end.  If there are no friendly faces over there, it might not be very pleasant.

So, if you do anything today, or nothing else, make sure you make a friend, if you have none. Or, if you some, make strengthen those friendships.

And when the end does come, make sure you are holding somebodies hand.

BUT - if Sunday does come, we can go back to doing whatever the hell we want.

Schwarzenkunder

Wait.  Somebody is surprised by this revelation?  Somebody forgot about all the womanizing allegations when he first ran for public office here in California?  Someone assumed he was totally innocent of all charges?  Somebody needs a reality check.

Not to be outdone by a lowly IMF director's botched rape, the Governator trumps that with, not only successful coupling, but a healthy result.  Chalk one up for Impregnators Unanimous.  Personally I think OctoMom has them all beat.

What is with this torrent of bad behavior revelations?  Is is as if the gates of the levees have been opened along Naughty River releasing decades of backwash into our consciousness.

But, we promote them, we vote for them, we celebrate them, we idolized them.  Someone should be ashamed.

Self Trumped

Is Trump taking himself out of the race for President akin to you or I trying to walk across a NASCAR track in front 20+ thundering drivers?  Has he saved us from a messy cat-scratch, hair-pulling, whimperfest of a campaign.  Okay, we may still have that, but The Donald won't be part of it.

Now what do I do with all the "Shut The Trump Up" t-shirts?